9:05 Dog Day Afternoon
Ruh-oh it's Season 9, Episode 9 of SPN "Dog Dean Afternoon." Taxidermy! Cowboy snake dude! Liz teaches Diana how to psychically communicate with animals!
Research Links
- Branson News & Events Archives - Dolly Parton's Stampede Dinner Attraction
- How to Talk to Animals: Psychic Connections and Telepathy - PetHelpful
This podcast uses the following third-party services for analysis:
Chartable - https://chartable.com/privacy
Transcript
Welcome to this week's episode of Devil's Trap Podcast. I'm Diana.
Bitch (:I'm Elizabeth.
Jerk (:Yeah, you are.
Bitch (:Yeah, I just saw that today on a thing, which was a scissors that were that were shaped like bats. They came with the same company that Diana once gave me a wine opener that had the bat on it. But I don't do I don't remember if that said Elizabeth or not on it. I don't think it did, because I think we would have noticed that. But yeah, so the company is now advertising it as Elizabeth and I am here for it. And that is a new name.
Jerk (:Kiss.
I don't think it did. I think I would have noticed.
Jerk (:Or we did, we just both forgot, which is also plausible. We got very excited and then we completely forgot. Yeah, Elizabeth. Yes.
Bitch (:which is awesome, but I don't remember a lot of things.
Bitch (:because it's a wine opener. So, and every time I was excited to use it, I was also drinking wine. So right now I'm drinking wine that I stole from the people who lived here before. But I think it's like wine karma. Yeah. So the people who lived in my old house had their wine delivery guy, like FedEx come here three times and finally caught me. And now I have a doorbell camera so I can yell at people when they're at the other house if I want to and be like, hey.
Jerk (:Yes. That's how works.
Jerk (:I really stole it. was delivered to you.
Bitch (:Come over here. Because I had a guy, you know, it's been a while since you had a security system put in, like things are different. And well, I just thought because, so in my last house, had a, I've used Simply Safe for like the last like few years, just because that's a very easy thing to do when you're a renter. You can just throw that up, throw a keypad on.
Jerk (:Okay, come over here.
Jerk (:Right. Yeah. Same. I think that's what I have.
Bitch (:and you just put the little sensors on the windows and you're good to go. And when I bought this house, they had ADT touch pads everywhere. And like when you open all the doors, goes doot doot, doot doot, doot
Jerk (:Did you? Yeah. Yep.
Bitch (:So I like, I'll just call the company and have them like switched over. It'll be easy peasy, living squeezy. you know, so I call them and like, yeah, we'll send a technician out and we'll make, you know, we'll make the appointments all the same and we'll let them know. And of course, like I get a phone call from him being like, why do I have two appointments? And I'm like, well, you know, there's two houses. And I did not warn him about the GPS because I figured he was like a security dude.
Jerk (:Two, two, and then.
Bitch (:they probably did like these neighborhoods all the time and learn like not to trust GPS on shit, but that's not what happened. And I got a call from him because a GPS had led him to the private road that runs next to my house that does have a gate on it. And it's a traffic area, which I'm still not sure where it goes.
So the guy followed somebody in through the gate and then got
And he was stuck on the other side of the gate and he could not get out because you could not get out of that gate without either a code or something. So he was, I think he was back there for like a good 30 minutes. And so, you know, he finally gets to the house and we go through things and what they end up doing is they put those little sticky things like they do for Simply Safe. That's just what they do now.
like they didn't go through any of other wiring that's there and they replaced the control panels. They are now just the touch screens that are wired into my wifi. So if wifi goes out, your security is fucked, you know, and it's just one more thing that gets like dropped onto your network. And I'm like, great. There's
So now I to go and reconfigure a network because now they just added like 500 X, you know, different endpoints on here. And now I wasn't prepared for that. didn't like have a separate like network home for them to know it was not. So now I had to go remap my network much like, you know, they did on the show last week, you know, cause this has been a week since we last recorded this full week, full week. And, yeah. So that's what I've done in the past full week was, was get my.
Jerk (:It wasn't part of your network mapping.
Jerk (:Four week.
Bitch (:And also the people on the phone had told me they could reuse the cameras that were in this house and you could not. he also, when he took down the cameras that were there, there was some ugly spaces on the wall which I'm going to have to deal with.
Yeah, now I have to use fucking Google too, which I'm not a fan of, but yeah, I've got Google doorbells and I've got a Google camera and a lot of bugs fly by that camera. I'm finding out. There's just motion in the driveway. that's a big bug. Big bug. Well, I also got a camera for the animals I'm gonna put out too. cause the, hunter camera.
Jerk (:alert you all the time.
Jerk (:Yes, your Hunter camera. But not.
Bitch (:And that one has night vision on it and it will go in the back and it will capture pictures of all my little animals, friends, hopefully. And you know, maybe a chupacabra. That's cool. Maybe a chupacabra. So yeah, that's and now I'm getting ready to jaunt to England for a week or so and go have some punk rock sing -alongs and then go to some obscene, absurd bookstores.
Jerk (:Maybe. Fingers crossed.
Bitch (:When they have whole sections that are like dedicated to things that I'm researching and studying, I know like I'm in trouble.
Jerk (:Yeah, I know you're in trouble. You're get lost in one of those stores. We'll have to do a welfare check at a bookstore.
Bitch (:Probably, but I am planning on so like I'm going to the festival. I'm gonna have a day in London first I'm not gonna go to any of the bookstores until after the festival because they will also be getting foot books at the festival because P and press will be there and that's a really good anarchist Book people that I like and they always bring really good books. And so I know I remind books the fucking festival
And you know, and then there's also like thrift stores and things there. There's a spiritualist church there, so they probably have some shit that I'm gonna get. And so I'm already gonna have a bunch of books on the train. I just don't need that to be hauling around. Books are heavy. And some of my shoulders are all jacked. And I'm swole. And I carry around like a thousand pounds worth of books in airports.
Jerk (:Books are heavy.
Jerk (:Jerk (06:31.702)
Yeah, yeah. What was that? Was that album Bricks Are Heavy?
Bitch (:That seems like a very obvious statement though.
Jerk (:Yeah, that was that was like L7's big album. are heavy and you're going to a punk rock festival and I was like, bricks are heavy. There we go. All right. They need to call that's what the next.
Bitch (:Brooks are heavy. yeah, no, that makes sense. They're not playing this festival.
Bitch (:Meh.
They played the last festival I went to. They're not playing this festival. So what about you?
Jerk (:That's true. Yeah. Yeah, I have no, I have no excitement. I have nothing. Got nothing. I got family visiting. I apparently figured out how to bust a blood vessel in my eyeball so I can camouflage it pretty well. But part of my eyeball looks like a bloody gross and
Bitch (:See, I think you disembrace that shit and you just become like horror goth queen. Maybe like put like a red contact in the other one or put an eye patch on. You just to give you the time for the Dalai part in like step leg bedazzled eye patch. I mean, you know, they're they can't be rock and roll and pretty hot.
Jerk (:this studded badass old eye patch. So annoying.
Jerk (:You know, I paid a lot of money to laser my eyeballs to not have a stigmatism anymore. I don't want to have depth perception issues. But. I know I just, I'm just I'm just cranky about it. But yeah, that's about it. Nothing crazy. We as as you mentioned, there will be some trouble in the future. So we after this week, we will be taking a week off or maybe not off. We'll be late. Like the episode after this will be late.
Bitch (:It's just a fashion statement.
Bitch (:You'll be late. We'll be like three or four days late. You know, spend some time. Go back. Look through the archives on YouTube. There's some fun stuff there, you know?
Jerk (:We're fashionably late.
Jerk (:And you can get ready to see us as we will be in Austin for the con.
Bitch (:Yeah, for the Austin con we got outbid on our tickets for a meet and greet with DJ, but we'll be at the karaoke. So hopefully we'll see him there. There is opportunities. know there was a Hammond, Samantha Smith were doing some like you could do selfies with them at the roadhouse. The roadhouse looks like a fun thing we may want to do. We haven't done that before. So they have this room called the roadhouse and they've got a photo booth in there.
Jerk (:Yes.
Jerk (:Make it with a GIF.
Bitch (:and they've got all sorts of activities. It's supposed to be a place to chill and hang out. It costs like 25 bucks or something. Like, I don't know. If we get really bored, that could be a thing to do.
So I'm very excited about that. Jensen and Ackles, Jensen and Jared, we're going to be there as well. Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Misha and then most of the chicks and Felicia Day. So it's going to be a really fun con, I think. So I'm excited about it. And they're doing a ton of different things around Austin. If you've never been here and want to come down and do it, they're doing tours of like of the Walker spots. So all the
where they shot Walker's Sex and Stranger. You can go do a tour of that. They're doing a barbecue night with Jensen and his band. Jensen and his band are playing two sold out shows at Sagebrush that are dumb expensive. And yeah, so there's a ton of stuff that's going on this week. like, this is gonna be a super natural party. So come to Austin. Have a good
Jerk (:Yeah. Yeah.
Bitch (:Cool. All right, and we won't have a booth or anything. You'll just, you'll find us. You'll see us. We're loud. All right. So we're gonna talk about this episode.
Jerk (:No, we'll just be hanging. You'll find us.
Jerk (:Yeah, season nine, episode five, Dog Dean afternoon.
Bitch (:It is a dog Dean afternoon and I'm so glad you said that because normally I have that on the top of my page and that line got cut off. So I would have been like, what the hell is this episode called? It first aired November 5th, 2013 was directed by Tim Andrew who we last saw on season eight, episode six of Southern Comfort.
and written by the dynamic duo of Eric Carmelo and Nicole Snyder. We haven't seen them since season six, but back then they did, know, the You Can't Handle the Truth, Mannequin 3, The Reckoning, and My Heart Will Go On. So some of the funner, the fun episodes of season six. that I think is why we kind of get this recap, which I can just think some up with, We Are Insane.
Jerk (:Yeah, yeah, I love it. It's so good. He starts off the recap starts like, they're talking about being Sam's heart. Dean does his prayer and Zeke shows up and then it goes to the pure chaos with like the amazing. was a really amazing montage and ends with, like you said, we're insane. Yes, yes, they
Bitch (:And then we open...
Jerk (:and a taxidermist. And this is shop is amazing.
Bitch (:It is amazing and he is making Game of Thrones taxidermy which is also fucking amazing. It's so cute. He has a little outfit for them.
Jerk (:And it's a carryover from the last episode where they were having a Game of Thrones marathon at their summer party. So that reference after reference. Sure.
Bitch (:That is it's just you know what this homage to Game of Thrones is but but I also I mean, there I will honestly say that I was going down a weird taxidermy rabbit hole that had nothing to do with this episode earlier this week like I just happened to spend a lot of time looking at weird taxidermy often.
Jerk (:That's true. I just, really.
Jerk (:I when I saw the episode, I'm like, that's why she was sending me that because you definitely sent me pictures of weird taxidermy this week.
Bitch (:No, I was looking for so where I bought Priscilla the stuff the taxidermy chicken. So I was explaining Priscilla to a friend and also in the shop though with Priscilla, they have these taxidermy rabbits with crystal balls and I can't find them anywhere. So I was looking for them and then naturally while you're looking for that just
Jerk (:Yes.
Jerk (:Your feed gets weird.
Bitch (:You got it, the taxidermy, there's just so much. You can spend days on Etsy just going through taxidermy. Because people do some fun things with their dead animals. Lots of frogs, those dribble poles. So, beyond our amazing this, there's also a good little boy named Colonel.
Jerk (:Stay down.
Yeah.
Well, so our taxidermists.
Jerk (:Colonel, he's a he's a good doggo and he looks kind of like a German Shepherd type dog or Malamute one of the two. Well, they look a lot like Malamute, but yeah, I think it's German Shepherd for this one. But anyways, and they hear a noise. He's got a shotgun because he's a taxidermist. Of course, has a shotgun and he doesn't hear anything that I love that he gets startled by his own taxidermy bear. Yes.
Bitch (:Definitely Durbin Shepherd is what I peg him as.
Bitch (:I would do that all the time.
Jerk (:Absolutely. But the dog is very distraught and there's a cowboy with a forked tongue standing behind the fucking taxidermy dude. Yeah. Yeah. It's yeah. And the dog is sad.
Bitch (:It's not good. I don't like it. I do not like it. And then he breaks his spine and we're all so disturbed. So disturbed.
Jerk (:So back in the bunker, Sam and Dean are talking. Dean apparently has been pouring buffalo milk down Kevin's throat because he's hung over.
Bitch (:He has a Branson hangover. So one does this mean imply that Kevin is at the bunker and we're just not seeing him? Okay. So also Buffalo Milk. Apparently this is a hair of the dog style hangover cure, which is a mixture of cocoa cream vodka, spiced rum, clotted cream, cream liqueur, dark rum and whole cream. That's a lot of cream for a hangover.
Jerk (:Yes. Yes.
Jerk (:no. And booze like milk booze, milk booze. was wondering, I'm glad you had that because Dean's like, yeah, it has everything in it but Buffalo milk.
Bitch (:Yeah, I don't know. I don't think that would work.
Bitch (:Yeah, so that's what it is. I've never heard of it. That also sounds like an ass whip to make. But he also says that he was doing what kind of nipple shot some sort of nipple shot.
Jerk (:Sounds like,
Jerk (:buttery nipple shots at the Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede.
Bitch (:Okay, so that is a dinner show which I do need to go to. There is both one in the Pigeon Forge at Dollywood and so there's a Dolly Parton Dixie Stampede in Pigeon Forge and in Branson. And right now the Pigeon Forge show does have a butterfly show and so the horses give fucking butterfly wings all the time. They're just going around and that's really cute. In Branson right now there is a rumble in the treetops which I think is lumberjack competition.
Jerk (:Mm -hmm.
Bitch (:They also have amazing aerial performances. they're equestrian install, equestrian stars and incredible aerial acrobatics. They also enjoy, you can enjoy a four course meal and Dolly Parton stampede dinner attraction. And it is a number one dinner attraction in the world. Apparently it is bigger. It has more people who go to it than the Devo times, but I will tell
Jerk (:interesting.
Bitch (:It sounds a lot like medieval times, but with cowboy stuff. So this is what like the feast set has. All right. So it's got creamy vegetable soup, a hot buttery biscuit, a tender whole rotisserie chicken, hickory smoked pulled pork, buttery corn in the cob, herb roasted potatoes, a stampede signature dessert, and unlimited Coca Cola tea or coffee.
Jerk (:Yes, that's what it is. It is.
Jerk (:That's enable times.
Bitch (:very similar to the medieval times menu. You can get the vegetarian feasts, which were instead of the chicken and the pork, you can get some fire roasted veggies with quinoa and some multigrain rice, which sounds pretty healthy. And to get a hot flaky apple turnover, you can get the option of additional creamy vegetable soup, but the soup is made with chicken broth. And then they also have like a whole version for a gluten free feast. it's just a, yeah, they're just covering all the bases there.
Jerk (:Yes.
Jerk (:Huh, accommodating. It's accommodating.
Bitch (:So yeah, this is definitely on my bucket list now to go see the dinner show at one of these places.
Jerk (:Yeah. Yeah. See what I did there? See what I did. Yeah. So Sam's excited though, because he found a case and we get this exchange because obviously Dean does not trust that Sam is well enough to go do a case because it's Sam's eekiel still trying to heal. Whereas Sam's like, the fuck are you talking about? I feel
Bitch (:Indeed, I did.
Bitch (:But should that affect Sam? I don't know. I do not know how the physics of this work, because Sam looks fucking fine.
Jerk (:Jerk (17:34.956)
He seems fine. He got three nights in a row of eight hours of sleep. Must be nice motherfucker. Just kidding.
Bitch (:It sounds so good. I took a nap. Like I don't even have a job right now and I'm still so goddamn tired. I took a nap today.
Jerk (:Well, they have found this taxidermist has been crushed to death, every joint dislocated and all of his bones broken. And I like that Dean's suggestion is that it could be a demonic luchador. So they're going to go to Eden, Oklahoma to investigate at Mounted Treasures Taxidermy, where someone has written, scum on the door in bright red paint.
Bitch (:That is the name of my next sex tape.
Jerk (:with a little paw print symbol in
Bitch (:No proper in it. And we get you know, we now we get to actually see the taxi derby shop in the daytime and is that a wall of jackalopes?
Jerk (:Yes.
Jerk (:I believe it may have been.
Bitch (:pretty sure there was a wall of jack -o -lips on there, which is amazing.
Jerk (:It is. And I like that they introduce themselves as agents Michaels and DeVille, which is a reference to poison.
Bitch (:Yes, Bret Michaels. And man, I miss his show. I wish that would come back. That was a good reality show. Yeah, the one like that was, I think, like the peak of reality competition dating shows was Bret Michaels, Rock of Love. Yeah, and some of those women went on to do good things. anyway, so this is a very accommodating sheriff. Like he's really does. He loves the Phoebs.
Jerk (:That's the city of L.
Which one of the love one? Yeah, that's good.
Jerk (:That was a good one.
Yeah.
Jerk (:Yep.
He's like, yeah, the body's gone, but here's the witness. We'll show you around. No big. And so Sam gets to go poke around where he finds a rodent in a dress and is very excited. And Dean talks to Dave Stevens, who was there to pick up the entrails twice a week.
that was his job, picked up the entrails because they had to be picked up and then they are biohazard and then they had to burn.
Bitch (:Do think he was getting paid to do what?
Jerk (:to pick up the intros and burn them. Disposal, biohazard disposal, that's paid, there's money in.
Bitch (:I just never really, they just never said what he did with them. They just said he came to get them.
Jerk (:no, he said that you idiot that the reason that Max Max didn't handle him was.
Bitch (:Well, no, these are the reason that, that, that he couldn't do it was that they had, they couldn't be just disposed of, but he never said what he did with them.
Jerk (:This is true. He does not clearly say that that's what that is true. Fair. Very fair. But he said but they point out that nothing else is missing from the shop. Yeah. And even the colonel was there. So the colonel witnessed and Sam and Dean are like, well, we didn't find a hex bag. Dean's creeped the fuck out. They're going to go back to the
Bitch (:Yes, and now they go to Diamond Timbs.
Jerk (:Yeah, time and Tim's motor in, which is almost super cool, but it's like so on the edge of being like awful. It's like it could could almost be. But Sam's researching this paw print symbol and figures out that it is copyrighted by a local animal rights group called Snart.
Bitch (:Mmm, yeah.
Bitch (:I love you, SNART. And SNART stands for Showing No Animal Rough Treatment, which is, I mean, I'm all for that. Let's not show animals rough treatment. That's all great. But you know, like, indeed, it's just like, why would animal rights groups care about dead animals?
Jerk (:They're already dead. What's this take? I do feel like this just made me think of spew.
Bitch (:It is, it's very much like spew.
Jerk (:Harry Potter guys. Alright, so they're gonna go and check out the Gentle Earth Vegan Bakery.
Bitch (:And, you know, like, are they witches or hippies is what, you know, we have to figure out. And Dean's just like, what's the difference?
Jerk (:And when they get to this bakery, he's just like, he's like, I knew I'd find the source of evil in a vegan bakery. And Sam wants to know what that smell is. Dane promptly tells him it's patchouli mixed with depression from meat deprivation.
Bitch (:Yep. So, and so now we see inside of this bakery and frankly, you know, vegan bakeries are actually really good because you just don't, they're just a lot, you can do a lot of things with well, if you, if you know what you're doing, but you know, there was a skull and cake bones in Germany, like it's freaking amazing. They're all gluten -free and they're a little ding -dong things or ding -dong addictive.
Jerk (:It looks lovely.
Jerk (:But why? Anyway.
Bitch (:So now we see the inside, you know, the founders of snark, which we also know like they cannot be that smart and the snark people aren't that smart because you know, they left their You know, this isn't suck -ups. Obviously, you know, you're doing vandalism to show who like you are and your logo is everywhere So why aren't these nice little sheriffs
Jerk (:That logo is everywhere.
Bitch (:already? Like, why are these people not already in custody? Because I mean, the paw print, I'm sure that they were like, god damn it. Whatever. Olivia, like, it's a small town, they know where Olivia and Dylan are, and that they are smart. So why are they not like already like, okay, let me get a muffin and rest
Jerk (:Yeah.
Jerk (:Yeah, well, I do have to tell you that I had to make pause, rewind and make babe listen to this exchange briefly, because I do have a pet peeve of dear babe wearing his sunglasses when we go somewhere sometimes. And so I made him listen to it.
because Olivia and Dylan are snart founders behind the counter that also run this bakery, are both wearing their sunglasses inside. And Dean comments that two types of people that wear sunglasses inside are blind people and douchebags.
Bitch (:rock stars.
Jerk (:yeah. But so they are going to go. They go talk to Olivia and Dylan and they're like, yeah, hunters are terrible. They're selfish dicks defined by what they kill. And Olivia is like, yeah, you know, we're advocates, but we don't advocate for violence. We were just trying to scare him when we graffitied his building. But we got spooked while we were painting. We heard this hiss. And when we ran, we got maced and we couldn't go to the cops because we were in the middle of committing a crime.
So now we look like total douchebags. Appreciate it if we're coming
Bitch (:Yeah, and you know, again, a few things here. When they lift off their sunglasses, it's clear this is not you. Like you, this is not Mace. This is is not what happens when you get Mace. That's not no, no, honey. No, that's something worse. And yeah,
Jerk (:Yeah, not Mace. Not Mace. Not Mace. No. Way worse. It looks way worse. It's real gross. I just said gross eyes.
Bitch (:You know, maybe like this is what your eye was like in like trying to do some solidarity here. I don't know. But we also start to see this line of hunters, you know, where we're talking about animal hunting, but now like Dean and Sam type of hunter is starting to run parallel. Right. So it's this very kind of funny thing. So when they're like hunters or selfish dicks, but they're like, what?
Jerk (:So they go back to the motel where so Sam can do more research and he's on a website about black eyes. It's but somehow it finds something about necrosis and some whatever is wrong with Olivia and Dylan could have been a venom.
Bitch (:Yeah, and so we learned that thankfully no snake does both venom and constricting as their as their things. Thankfully that doesn't exist yet. Florida I'm sure like will figure this out soon. But at this time there is no snake that can both venom you and you however the you snakes will also
Jerk (:We'll figure it out.
Bitch (:Ew, just, their bites can be very painful. And they're just not venomous. And they can also get infected because even though like it's like not venomous, it's still a snake mouth. And they don't brush their teeth and they eat mice and shit. So, I mean, you're still getting all the bacteria from the puncture.
Jerk (:They bite, they just don't have any poison.
Jerk (:punctures.
Jerk (:And punctures. Yeah, and puncture wounds just are like, likely to get infected just because the nature of them.
Bitch (:They're just gross. you know, I'm trying very hard to not develop a massive fear of snakes, but it's hard.
Jerk (:So they call Kevin to research more about snakes or what this could be.
Bitch (:doing this? Why have they decided Kevin is their librarian? Like he's trying to like look at the prop. But I guess also he's at the bunker now. So like, but didn't they just put out their shit on a tablet? Shouldn't they just be access field access? It's all downloaded on that tablet, right? Like, yeah.
Jerk (:Why not?
Jerk (:She got all downloaded to that Microsoft Surface. They should just be carrying it around. well, we cut back to our Enid animal shelter and our staffer is sitting at the desk playing on his phone and
Bitch (:Yeah, that word game looks very satisfying. I would like to know what it is. That looks like a very good way to kill time.
Jerk (:And our our cowboy snake dude, as I called him so eloquently, strolls in. This rolls in and slides a hundred dollar bill on the counter and just walks on towards the kennel with with his carrying like a big bag. And yeah, it's not good. I don't like it. I don't like
Bitch (:I also just refer to him as Snake Dude. It's fine.
Bitch (:Ew. Whatever is happening, fuck you. What are we, yeah, no.
Jerk (:And so he walks by all the dogs. We do see the colonels there, which is sad that he's in there. And they go to the cats and he just starts. He starts just loading, loading the kid is into a bag.
Bitch (:And he's whining. He's whimpering. What are doing with the cat food, bastard? What are doing to cats?
Jerk (:But as he keeps just piling all these cats in this big old bag, the kid at the counter hears these cats meowing very angrily. And so he runs in and Cowboy Snake Dude is full on swallowing a whole cat.
Bitch (:They're yowling.
Jerk (:He ate it. And the kid's like, I thought you were from a perfume company.
Bitch (:So you were just selling, like letting this dude from an animal testing company come in and take your, that was better? Fuck you! You so have what's coming to you! And then, and then you see the guy's face!
Jerk (:And we get a close up of super creepy snake eyes. And now, yes, they're cat eyes, snake eye, cat eyes, and both. But now he's got claws and the kid tries to run. And this kid gets killed by the claws.
Bitch (:Stick eyes.
There's snake eyes, cat eyes, snake eyes, cat eyes, what are they? I don't know.
This kitty's got claws.
Bitch (:He does, that fucktard is dead. I am not sad. I'm sad about the cat. I am much more upset about the cat than the fucking bastard that was selling cats to an animal testing. next up, the boys show up and now they think it is a killer kitty, which is also the name of my next sexting.
Jerk (:We're getting a list tonight of those.
Bitch (:We are, we are. There's a whole new series coming out.
Jerk (:So they realize though that Colonel has now been at both crimes. And so they have to test to make sure he's not a skinwalker. But what he notices is that Colonel's barking, starts barking when the cop walks up and the cop's wearing a cowboy hat.
Bitch (:or a shape shifter.
Bitch (:That is a clue.
Jerk (:Hat is a clue. So Dean's like, hold on and he borrows the hat and then we take the hat off the guy the dog stops barking and then when Dean puts on the hat he starts barking again. So the dog hates cowboy hats, that's what we learned.
Bitch (:Hehehehehe
Yes, and so this is also just a game that I would continue to play. I would be like, okay, now we've got to try other hats. Isn't just the cowboy hat. Okay, I need a baseball hat. I need a beret. I need a beanie. Like we have to go through all these things.
Jerk (:See which ones are triggering? Well, the dog is now not a suspect, but a witness. So they need to call Kevin again to figure out how they can talk to a dog.
Bitch (:So yeah, and now we go to the hotel, the motel, hotel, motel holiday. And they're doing a spell that they found in the Eskimo section of the Men of Letters.
Jerk (:Mm
Jerk (:An Inuit spell, And it's like a human animal mind melds. They can read each other's thoughts.
Bitch (:So yeah, and this sounds great, because I think we all wanna be able to talk to our animals, right? Don't you wanna talk to your animals? All right, so I'm gonna teach you how to talk to your animals, because I can find anything on the internet. So you ready? Okay, this is how to talk to animals. Psychic connections and telepathy.
Jerk (:Yes, absolutely.
Jerk (:Sure.
Bitch (:And this is on Pet Helpful and was written by Suzy Rave. It was updated April 10th, 2023. So I think this is very up to date information. She does get asked if anybody can talk to animals and she said that she has been blessed.
with the ability to communicate with animals since she was a child. And she says that anybody can do this. And the key is patience and love. So the first thing that you should do if you want to learn is you should start with an animal you are familiar with. So don't go for strange. You want to get a family pet, right? So a cat or a dog that you are familiar or your best choices.
Jerk (:Okay.
Bitch (:Cats are more difficult because they are cats. So how to communicate with dogs. One, you gotta start by taking your pupper into a quiet room. Two, sit down on the floor next to them. Or if they are allowed on the couch or the bed, that lucky little animal, you have them sit next to you.
Jerk (:Cats. I guess that one.
Bitch (:Three, you pet them in their favorite spot until they're settled in, then you talk quietly to them in a loving tone. Four, you find one short sentence or word and you use it over and over. Examples that they do, there you go, sweetie, there you go, sweetie, there you go, sweetie, and then says, or if you're a guy and this is to,
she she foo foo for you try okay buddy okay buddy so
Bitch (:You need to what they say is we'll call this your key phrase. okay, so we're just gonna say we're gonna use Elvis, who's Diana's magical dog who will win the cutest rescue dog contest, I swear. So what would your key phrase for Elvis be?
Jerk (:god, don't know. What do I say to him? I was like, there's the baby. That's what I did. There's the baby. Yeah, it's bad. It's bad.
Bitch (:dear. All right. So Diana is going to say
Jerk (:There's the baby. No.
Bitch (:10 times in a rhythmic ways and then close your eyes and be silent.
Jerk (:Or Baby Albus, that's probably better. We'll do Baby Albus. Baby Albus, yeah, Baby Albus.
Bitch (:Baby Albus, baby Albus, baby Albus, baby Albus, baby Albus. Four more times. I'm not gonna, don't want to, I don't want to communicate. I don't want to say it 10 times. Cause what if I accidentally like mind meld the Albus from here? And then we have like, it's all, it'll be a thing. All right. All right. And don't forget now number six, it says to stop petting your dog. All right. Now you gotta stop. Right. So you, you've set, you've sent your key phrase 10 times.
Jerk (:No, no, don't accidentally mind meld. Okay, things get weird.
Bitch (:You've closed your eyes and you're quiet. You've stopped petting them. And you guys start thinking about what you want your dog to do, along with a picture of you rubbing their favorite spot afterwards. When the picture was formed and clear, you may have to practice this a bit. If you've never done visualization before, we taught you on the show, go back, there's many episodes. Then you imagine the picture enveloped in a fluffy white cloud. I don't
So you float the cloud pic, this is one. So number nine, you float the cloud picture out of your head where your third eye is located. So wherever your third eye is located. It could be your nose, you know, your forehead, your cheek. We all like, I don't know, it doesn't say. And so, and then you put that thought.
So into the dog's head directly between their eyes. So I guess they don't have a third eye on their forehead. You go like right between their eyes. And then once you have done this, then you say the key phrase again one more time, and then you float that cloud picture into their head. And you keep doing this until he or she either gets up and leaves or puts their head onto your lap. Congratulations, you have spoken to your
So I think you've got this, right? You can now talk to your dog. right, so a word about neutered dogs. They say if you're working with a particularly territorial non -neutered male, he just might get up and leave. If he does, follow him and do it all over again. Usually the neutered males and females will want to happily succumb to the vigilized and promised favorite rub so they will lay their heads on your
Jerk (:Sure. Totally.
Bitch (:I don't think they said that that's what you're supposed to be trying to do with them is to try and get their head into your lap, but I guess that's your goal. Is that you, I don't know why.
Jerk (:Right. I guess that's step one to tell them that, like my dog does that sometimes, but not really kind of on my shoulder.
Bitch (:I mean, I guess I would say like, paw more. I would try paw. I think that would be like a different more difficult thing. Yeah, but also like, if you've snipped their balls, they don't trust you and you have to follow them around and then keep like telling them stuff apparently is what they said. All right, number three. Let's move on to cats.
Jerk (:something more distinct, yeah.
Bitch (:Leaving the cat lover versus dog lover discussion completely out of this, she says that cats are a smidge more stubborn of an animal. If you feel that they're receiving your picture talk, they will. And if they don't, they're not going to do it. So, okay, in order to be successful, we need to tread lightly. Dogs will listen and tune in simply for love. Cats, not so much. You need to give them a better incentive.
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, you start again with your key phrase and their favorite tone of voice you would use when putting down their full food dish. Try something like honey boy, honey boy, or again for the non -shishoo foo foo types, yo dude, yo dude, while scratching their chin or ears or favorite spot. I do not believe any of these will work with my cat. I'm just saying.
So after the fifth time, because cats get bored quickly with a key phrase, you spot scratch, you stop petting, and then you start doing the picture. With cats, a strong but quick picture quickly comes across best. Don't ask them to do anything. Just send a love picture at first, visualization of you feeding them. It works well if you do this right before you're actually planning on feeding
Jerk (:that it seems mean otherwise.
Bitch (:So picture your cat feeding them, tell your cat you're gonna feed them with your mind and then you feed them and then their cat gets food. So every time you look at your cat, they're gonna go, are you gonna feed me bitch? Serve me. Yeah, yeah. And she says her cat Cheetah will usually snap his head up and head to his dish right away after Tom is coming.
Jerk (:and then feed them. Yeah.
Jerk (:And you can't say that phrase anymore. Yeah.
Bitch (:And then she says, if you're saying to yourself right now, well, sure. If you do it right before his scheduled feeding time, of course he's going to run to the dish. You're absolutely right. This is my point. He will use the fact that you're telling him good stuff is coming at the time it comes. Then later you can float a picture of him right out of the blue, something different, and they will understand
Bitch (:So I like that they think that I can dictate when my cat's feeding time is. I do not like that's not a choice I have that is when she wakes
Jerk (:Some people do it on a schedule.
Bitch (:Yeah, my schedule is whenever she wakes up in the morning and bats me out of fucking bed. And just meh, meh, until I fucking feed her. That's when she gets fed.
Okay, so communicating with smaller animals, avians, reptiles, and more. So let's talk parrot or parrot or little turkey or parrot or cockatiel or budgie. What's a budgie?
Jerk (:Jerk (39:21.742)
That's another bird in that kind of group.
Bitch (:All right, so when talking to a smaller animal, you need to remember that the animal has a smaller brain. Their reception of pictures is apt to be slower and take longer. It is like using, you know, a modem versus fiber. So it's going to take longer for your packets to get to the cat's brain. This is very much like sending things over the Internet. OK. If the animal is a pet, again, they should be used to the sound of your voice.
You really shouldn't be talking to an animal of this size right away if they are not a pet of yours.
You've got to warm them up, I guess, get a drink, give them a drink or something. So lastly, remember the patients. Once you have mastered the family pet chat, the others will follow. So if the iguana, lizard, bird, etc. is your pet, great. If not, remember they require a bit more finesse. Hershey has an iguana and my iguana loves me to sing desperado to him in a quiet, sweet voice. Go figure.
Jerk (:HAAA!
Bitch (:Please put a cowboy hat on this iguana as you see Desperado. That is the only way that is okay. I will not report you to snark. So if they don't respond to a key phrase, and a lot of these species won't, you need to find a sound. You could use a quiet ch ch ch ch. my, so you're gonna fucking like Michael Myers coming after them? Or you could do a gentle shh shh shh sound. It's like animal ASMR. So she says
Jerk (:What?
Jerk (:Yeah, no.
Jerk (:Ahem.
Jerk (:That thatch.
Bitch (:Yeah. She says that works best for reptiles and cold blooded animals in the works best for birds, tortoises, turtles, frogs, and so on. If the animal doesn't wish to be touched, just stick to the soft sound. So you've got to make it a rhythmic sound and then you get them cussed into it. Then you get a picture. So for example, when I, she also has a cockatiel. Good Lord.
So example, when I want my cockatiel to fly into my finger, I picture him on my finger and eating his munchie all in one quick precise shot. When I want my iguana to climb into my arm, I picture him on my arm with a strawberry in his mouth. As do I. For these creatures, forget the fluffy cloud and a cowboy hat, maybe sunglasses now. He's a douchebag. So just aim the visualization at their head and fire.
Jerk (:and a cowboy hat.
Bitch (:Remember practice makes perfect. there's a picture of her with a snake. And it looks like a, a huggy one. And so, when, when, you know, so she says once you've worked on your pets for about six months, you should be able to branch out. If your pet gets injured or seems down, you can ask them what hurts or why they're acting that way.
Jerk (:Huggy one not a ch one.
Bitch (:Questions can be formed in the same way. You just need to send a picture of the animal exactly as it is and show it each part of its body until the animal gives you a positive sign. It may lick you, it may squirm, it may purr, it may just get up and walk away. So yeah. And then it also says that you can send pictures of the animal feeling better. You can send love. Love requires no visualizations and no pictures. You can simply send a call me.
Jerk (:Aww.
Bitch (:gentle feeling of peace, they can do wonders. She's got a horse that shows her that she wants apples. You don't have to be psychic, everyone has psychic potential.
Bitch (:and now somebody wants to know if they can talk to a cow. she did talk to a cow. Okay, great. I think you may need to talk to a cow. There is like that bull that was on the beach that was like running after people and you should be like, bull, no. It's gonna work. So anyways, that's how you talk to a pet. That's exactly what Gene is gonna do, I think.
Jerk (:No, I don't want to talk to a cow.
No.
Jerk (:Mmm, sure. So Sam makes this concoction and Dean's like, no, no, I'm going to do it because you just are still recovering. And Sam's like, okay, whatever. And so Dean chugs it, trying not to gag and does the incantation and he looks at Colonel and nothing happens.
Bitch (:No. Yeah?
Jerk (:They go get burgers and dinner like you do and they finish eating and they're calling Kevin. They're like, the spell tasted like ass and was a bust. So, I, and they've got, we've got, want to know what love is by foreigner playing in the background.
Bitch (:you to show me.
Jerk (:and Colonel suddenly has a voice.
Bitch (:Show me with a vision with a fluffy cloud aimed at my head.
Jerk (:Colonel says, change the station and starts talking shit about sticks.
Bitch (:Because 6 sucks and yeah, so Mr. Roboto
Jerk (:But so and Dean is like, what the fuck? And he starts asking about the killer. And he's like, he had on a cowboy hat. He is same guy who did both murders and the Colonel.
Bitch (:He says the douche will killed his best friend and I just think that's adorable. He was just like he killed my best friend
Jerk (:Yeah, I'm sad I didn't like that part. And Colonel said they didn't get to see what happened to the cats, but the guy reeked of red meat, dishwashing detergent and Tiger
Bitch (:I dunno,
Jerk (:So, Dean, while this conversation is going on, Dean keeps like catching and throwing, picking up and throwing back this balled up napkin that Sam's been trying to throw in the trash and starts scratching behind his ear. Colonel's laughing and we get a mailman outside. Colonel starts barking. Dean runs to the window and starts yelling at the mailman and just keeps saying, you, you, you, over and over again, like a bark. And it is
Bitch (:Hey you, hey you, you, you, you, hey you, hey you, is exactly what now what all, yes, it's hysterical what all dogs say when they see a mailman. And so they're together, there's both at the window and it's so cute. So cute. Dean, you're such a cute little dog.
Jerk (:It is. And Sam has he is a cute little doggo and Sam has realized that the spell worked maybe too well.
Bitch (:Dean is a dog.
Jerk (:So they have to, so they call Kevin and basically it's this potential spell side effect. The mind meld with the animal is you can exhibit their behavior and Colonel telling Dean like, Hey, don't blame me. And they have an exchange about sniffing butts because Dean does not think that he's inclined to sniff butts, but Colonel thinks it's
Bitch (:At this point, Dean Winchester does not want to sniff butts.
Jerk (:Yes, that's probably an important point to clarify. And Kevin doesn't know how long this is gonna last, but it should wear off whenever the spell does. And now Dean's about to eat a chocolate bar and gets reminded that he probably should not if he's having dog traits. But that doesn't really make sense. Yeah.
Bitch (:Which is very interesting if that translates all the way to you can't eat chocolate or your shit yourself. But also, like, I wouldn't risk, and like, I mean, I'm a breast, mean, chocolate's pretty good. But this... Yeah, I mean, it's chocolate. So, now they're gonna go back to the animal shelter. But, before they do that, Dean hears a pigeon.
Jerk (:Yeah, that's weird because like the biologic biology. It's how good a chocolate bar was.
Jerk (:Yeah, at the way and he there, you know, Colonel has some solid doggy doggy puns going on. But when this pigeon shits on baby's windshield. Dean yells, dick move, pigeon, and the pigeon yells back, screw you, has that. And basically, the colonel's like, yeah, animals have like this universal language. We can all like talk. And there's some shit talking, which we had a pigeon.
Bitch (:Yeah, and this is amazing! Animals have a universal language and they can all talk to each other and goddamn I wish that was real and that I could listen to all the animals talk to each other. Maybe if I just do enough drugs.
Jerk (:Or you just really, really work on your cloud brain projection.
Bitch (:I really have to, I
Jerk (:Okay, well, either way, they get in a shit talking exchange. This pigeon has Dean real riled up. So riled up, he pulls a fucking gun and people in the parking lot are scared. It is amazing. Screaming at a pigeon.
Bitch (:Yeah, cuz all I do is see his crazy man yelling at a pigeon and pulling out his gun. What are you in Texas? they are in Oklahoma. Honestly, they're in Oklahoma. Everyone's just like, whatever, it's Sunday.
Jerk (:Yeah. Yeah.
Jerk (:So Sam is driving so that Dean and Colonel can both hang their head out the window of the car as they drive back to the shelter. And Sam's like, we'll just leave Colonel in the car. And Dean is pissed at this suggestion.
Bitch (:He adamantly defends Colonel not staying in the car. Do you think we like that?
Also don't leave your animals in the
Jerk (:But you know what they do like is this white poodle tied up out front. It's very weird. I don't like it.
Bitch (:This is weird. What? He's attracted to the dog? don't... Okay. Weird. I'm glad he didn't say a dog for long. So anyways... But apparently poodles are attractive.
Jerk (:Sure. So inside, Dean is going to question the animals and we kick off with this, the senior shell to you that has cataracts.
Bitch (:she's so sad. No one's going to adopt her because she's 14.
Jerk (:I know it's very sad. didn't like it. And then and she but she didn't really see anything because of her cataracts. And we hear all the other dogs asking for things they want their cage to be cleaned more than once a day, which honestly that once a day seems quite reasonable, but they want biscuits, they want other things. And then a. It depends.
Bitch (:Night.
Bitch (:I don't know like they're going if it depends if they have someplace else I go do their business So they're doing their business once a day. That's gross. That's because then they're all doing it at different times and that will be smells I also get fired from an animal shelter because they couldn't clean the cage as well enough So anyways, so we now see that there is a Yorkie and that Yorkie saw everything
Jerk (:That's That's true.
Jerk (:Yep, but she isn't going to talk until as she gets belly rubs from the big one, a .k So we've got Sam holding this Yorkie giving belly rubs while the Yorkie describes our cowboy snake dude's outfit, talks about the burlap sack that he's putting the cats in and how he took all but the one that he ate. And then the sack had writing on it.
And then Sam gets a hand cramp from belly rubs and has to take a break and then continues because apparently our Yorkie is also able to read and said that it read avant -garde cuisine. And.
Bitch (:Yep, that's a place on Main Street and they don't allow dogs
Jerk (:So as they're getting ready to leave, our little Yorkie is going on and on about how that was the best belly rub they ever had. And Dean pauses for a minute as they're leaving. And then he just starts going down the row of cages.
Bitch (:wait, but he also, but beyond getting the belly rub, he also wants to go with them and he's not above licking feet. Okay, now go on.
Jerk (:So he starts opening the cages and yells, freedom! And I don't think that's good idea, but that's okay.
Bitch (:One of the other dogs, one of the dogs yells freedom. Deaton doesn't yell freedom, but all the animals are so free.
Jerk (:okay.
Jerk (:Yeah, it's good in theory.
Bitch (:It's fine. They're all gonna go live their best lives. So all the animals are free and they're gonna go live their best lives. And yeah, so it's night now.
Jerk (:Yeah. And then so Sam and Dean are going to break into Avant Garde because apparently they're closed on Mondays anyways. And a lot of ones and like and there's a yeah, like Dina's comment. I'm like, yeah, it's not uncommon for a lot of anyways, whatever.
Bitch (:All restaurants are closed on Mondays. It's a service industry thing.
Bitch (:It's pretty normal. Anyways, okay.
Jerk (:So they break in and they go in and I don't understand what this room is that they go to. go in this hallway and they go into this room and it's like partially an office, partially dry storage, partially kitchen area. There's this giant walk -in door in there, but also it's not the kitchen.
Bitch (:Maybe it's like the chef's experimental kitchen, like where he's doing like his experiments. Like, I don't know, this is well, it's also close to our private, as we later learn is closer to our private dinner. So I mean, I think this is like a fancy schmancy. It's a French fancy schmancy, please.
Jerk (:I guess that that's some real estate, I guess.
Jerk (:I guess, but we see a photo of Chef Leo and this is our sneaky cowboy dude. So. But the cowboy hat doesn't necessarily narrow down because it's as Dean points out there in Oklahoma. So and.
Bitch (:Leo!
Bitch (:They are in Oklahoma.
Jerk (:Sam finds a drawer full of pills. We've got oxytramadol, methadone, all kinds of stuff. But Dean hears children's voices calling for help. Say shh.
Bitch (:And it's full of narcotics.
Bitch (:The chef is gonna hear us, help us!
Jerk (:It's rats in a cage. So, Dean, did they tell Dean to look in the fridge? What? Rats in a cage?
Bitch (:That's the name of my next band, my next goth album. Rats in a Cage.
Jerk (:my gosh. So we've got Dean looks in the fridge and he finds owl brains, cheetah liver and grizzly heart. At the same time, Sam has now located a spell book with about shamanism that talks about using animal organs with who do and spices to temporarily gain the power of that animal like an owl with equal IQ.
Cheetah would equal speed and a bear would equal strength. And Dean asks about the rats and they say, we have collapsible spines.
Bitch (:Did you know that? We learned a lot in this episode. So we get that, but then we also learned though that this chef is just, he's going, he wants to like, you know what? Why can't I mix this shit and make like a cool new animal?
Jerk (:No.
Jerk (:That's like when you're a kid and you would draw like, I don't know, Yeah, exactly. So or. Well, like when you you ever play that game where you would like fold a piece paper in half and one person would draw the head and the other person, you'd flip it over to the person would draw the body and they didn't know what it was. That's drawing game. It was. Yeah, so we did that. Anyways, that's how you end up with these weird animal combos. So he's got index cards writing down all these combos.
Bitch (:A sharktopus. I did not draw those as kids, but now I want to.
Bitch (:Yeah, I have not played that, but I know what you mean.
Jerk (:But we hear a noise and because there's a chef in the kitchen prepping for this private party, private
So they, so Dean tells them that we were at the health department and we get this waiter that walks in with a platter with a giant shark fin in the middle of it. It's quite dramatic looking.
Bitch (:It is very dramatic and this is a very expensive dinner. I don't know what I would do. I would leave because shark fins are very bad. I don't want to go off about the whole shark fin black market, but it is a thing. Anyway, so I don't get mad at nothing. So they were like, hey, we're going to shut this down because of health code, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Jerk (:part of it.
Jerk (:Yeah. So the chef, this chef and the waiter leave the kitchen and Sam and Dean are splitting up with guns to go find our dangerous chef, our scary chef. And apparently dangerous chef ate some chameleon because he has fully blended into this very loud wallpaper. And that's not. It's kind of cool. Yeah, it's very like it's very like like 60s, like it's cool. Shag style.
Bitch (:which I kind of love this wallpaper and...
Bitch (:Yeah. It's 60s with fungal stuff. So I do love the fungus. But yeah, he is just like blended. It's very cool. He's just like in the wallpaper and he like comes out of the wallpaper.
Jerk (:Yeah, but he sneaks up on Sam and just claws his throat and Sam is about to bleed out from the neck. It is bad, bad, bad, bad. And as he's falling down, we get Zeke eyes. So we get Sam's E. He'll briefly takes over, heal Sam's throat and then disappears again. So now Sam is back to Sam, but also doesn't know why his throat's not bleeding anymore. And it's very confused as is the chef, as is the chef, because
Bitch (:Yes, he should be. Yeah, the chef is also confused and, but now intrigued.
Jerk (:Yeah, because he wants to heal like that. He said, screw the shark to Puss. And it's going to attack Sam so he can eat Sam.
Bitch (:So if you eat an octopus, do you get to be smartsies? Or do you get to shoot ink? Do get to be camouflagy? Do you get to have a lot of tentacles? There's so many important things that happens with an octopus.
Jerk (:Or do you just get to like move around like you don't have any bones
Bitch (:Can you go, and then like go into a rock? I don't know, there's so many things. I wanna be an octopus.
Jerk (:like slip under doors, but also climb walls. I don't know.
Bitch (:This is why cannot eat the delicious octopus. So the chef's just sharpening his knife.
Jerk (:Yeah, because he's gonna carve up Sam, but Dean sneaks in, but the chef can smell him because he smells like a dog, apparently. Dean tries to shoot him, but instead hits a jar of fucking bay leaves. That is a giant jar of bay leaves, by the way. And it takes me forever to go through bay leaves. It's crazy. And then he chunks a cleaver, which is not your typical throwing knife, I would say, but he does wield it quite well.
Bitch (:And he dodges a bullet too, like he matrixes away from a bullet.
Jerk (:Yeah, this is true. And we get a fight. But the chef's our creepy chef is quite strong and overtakes Dean and ties him up and makes a comment about what their mother must have smoked about when when she was carrying them, if that's his brother, and about how he's heard that human hearts are supposedly chewy.
Bitch (:that he's gonna eat Sam's heart anyway. So that is how he's going to consume Sam. He's gonna consume Sam's heart. Which I feel like people threaten to do a lot.
Jerk (:And Dean like, gonna, Dean's gonna talk to him because Dean's got to make time to escape. So we're gonna have Dean try to get him to talk a lot now. And he's like, I know you're sick, not like in the head, but like cancer or something. And he's right. Apparently the chef has stage four carcinoma and I guess dogs can smell that kind of thing.
Bitch (:and smell cancer and that is why he had a drawer full of narcotics not just for a fun
Jerk (:Yeah. And he's like, so that's why you, I know that's why you do this, but, he's like, yeah, cause I was past treatment at when I got diagnosed and I got found a shaman and I got a zoo membership and that was the closest thing to a temporary cure I've found. But I found that combination therapy works. That's what he calls it when he combines them as combination therapy, which is. Ew.
Bitch (:Yeah, it sounds like some things in wellness centers trying to sell you.
Jerk (:And but basically he's like, and Dean's like, yeah, but you what happened? Where did you start killing people? What the fuck? he's like, I didn't mean to at first, it was just collateral. But you eat enough predators, you become one.
Bitch (:You are what you eat. So he goes to his ice chest and he pulls out possum intestines, a mongoose liver and finally he gets to a wolf heart. okay, so he's got these body parts that are in a fridge. He also has these body parts that are in this ice chest. Also,
Jerk (:Cooler.
Bitch (:What do these parts stay fresh for? Like they're not frozen. These are all fresh. Like they're not like so like the heart looks like it was in some sort of liquid. But I mean, you don't want to eat it like, I mean, you can pickle it. I mean, is he pickling all of these things? Then you get tired of like eating pickled whole tart. Like it's a lot of vinegar. It's a lot of acid.
Jerk (:or preserved. No.
Jerk (:But still.
Jerk (:Is it pickled? shit. It's a lot of vinegar. I mean, I like I love pickled stuff, but I don't know. I know. That's a good point. These would not all last. mean, that's a lot of waste.
Bitch (:Yeah.
Bitch (:And why are some in the ice chest and some in the fridge?
Jerk (:his organization skills are lacking.
Bitch (:Yeah, for sure. Also, positive intestines. Why did you go with the intestines? It's a weird choice. I'd go with the pouch.
Jerk (:It's a weird choice.
Jerk (:I don't know about that. Make an empanada.
Bitch (:It's a pocket animal. All right, so Leo starts chanting and snacking.
Jerk (:Yeah. And luckily Dean has used this conversation time wisely to wear through his cord that he's tied up with and he's able to free himself and attack. this wolf or the chef now has crazy wolf teeth, like real crazy wolf teeth. And so Dean's like, fuck this and runs and he gets outside the back door real fast and he's getting chased. But soon and there's like this whole like, you know, wolf versus Doug.
Bitch (:NANCE!
Jerk (:And Dean's like, I'm gonna call a pack. And so he whistles and all these all the dogs they freed came running.
Bitch (:All his friends are there and they're gonna help him and they're gonna eat Leo.
Jerk (:I don't know, that's kind of weird, right?
Bitch (:I know, I call all my friends, I hope you'll eat somebody who's trying to kill me. So they eat Leo, aw, and then inside Dean just starts slapping Sam around and threatening to lick his face.
Jerk (:Well yeah.
Jerk (:to wake him up. Yeah, and he wakes
Jerk (:So we cut, so that's it, at the chef, at the restaurant. We cut to our vegan bakery where Dean is giving to Olivia and Dylan to adopt the Colonel. It's very sweet.
Bitch (:The smart people are taking the kernel.
Jerk (:And they agree that they're going to give him a good home. And Colonel tells Dean that he barfed in the backseat of baby.
Bitch (:Cause the road is no way for a dog. He gets
Jerk (:and Colonel starts to tell Dean that dogs are not really man's best friend. The real reason we're here is to... Woof woof woof! Aw, this fell ended.
Bitch (:And the spell wears
And now we'll never know. We'll never know why dogs are really put here.
Jerk (:No
Jerk (:that. So.
Bitch (:Then, you know, so now we're done, you know, we're, now we're just, you know, we say goodbye to Colonel and outside though, Sam just can't stop ruminating. I'm just, wow, why, Leo, why didn't I know what I was?
Jerk (:Yeah, yeah, that's so weird. And he's like, he was just crazy. He was possessed by something he couldn't control. And it was just a matter of time before it completely took over.
Bitch (:lie tap dancing lie tap dancing
Jerk (:What? But that's what is this? What is this talking about? This is his own fear about what's going to happen to Sam. What the fuck?
Bitch (:I know, but he's also right when he says you can't reason with crazy. It is true.
Jerk (:That's true. That is true. And, but he's certain that Sam has nothing to worry about. Sam looks very worried.
Bitch (:Yeah, he should be. And so I would be too if like all these weird like chunks start going and like being that like, you know, they're them, like I would be concerned. So but they just drive off. They do that.
Jerk (:Yeah, that's it. That's our episode.
Bitch (:That's our episode. All right, so before final thoughts, tell us about our fluffy cast people.
Jerk (:Yeah, so we've got our I'm going to I'm going to go a little out of order. I'll go in order. Our Yorkie voice was done by the one and only Leslie Jordan. You may know. Yeah.
Bitch (:RIP Leslie. I was so, like, it was very really sad when he peed past. Alright, tell us all the wonderful things Mr. Leslie did.
Jerk (:Yes. Well, I did a short list, I assume that people know this wonderful actor, but he was known best. I'd say the longest running role was Beverly Leslie and Will and Grace also played Mr. Blackley. Was Mr. Blackley in the help, Phil and most recently in a series called Call Me Cat. He also played roles in American Horror Story and was.
Bitch (:Beverly Leslie! you're so good at that.
Jerk (:Benjamin Franklin in The Last Sharknado.
Jerk (:Our chef Leo, there have been a lot of short videos. Our chef Leo was played by Steve Valentine. He has been in episodes of Married with, yeah I know, it does. It actually goes with your theme of your next sex film. Yeah.
Bitch (:There's been so many sharp needles.
Bitch (:What a name, that sounds like a porn actor.
Bitch (:My next sex tapes, maybe they will be with Mr. Valentine.
Jerk (:maybe so, episodes of Married with Children, Melrose Place, Will and Grace, Charmed House, NCIS, CSI, Supergirl and Modern Family. He was the TV director in the movie Mars Attacks, a photographer in Spider -Man 3, and played Dracula in the Monster High movies. So I would like to share that Colonel was voiced by Al Rodrigo.
pace Nine, Martin, the Nanny,:Olivia was played by Jessica Harmon. She was Heather in Hollow Man 2, Jenny in a movie called Chupacabra vs. the Alamo and has been in episodes of Arrow, Wayward Pines, The Whispers and Magicians, but was best known to me from her role as Dale Bozzio in I, Zombie.
Bitch (:Classic.
Bitch (:Yay! Yeah, it was a great cast.
Jerk (:It was, it was super fun episode. I really enjoyed it. There was a couple of spots that were sad for me because of our recent change in our pack at our house. But overall, I very much enjoyed it and thought it was super fun.
Bitch (:Yeah, Dean makes a great dog. think they did. They did the mind melding in a fun way and didn't go too far. I feel like they could have gone farther, but I think the restraint was good.
Jerk (:It's fitting.
Jerk (:It could have been Yeah, the poodle almost pushed it over the line, but the rest was really
Bitch (:Yeah, like there wasn't any like leg humping, although like, I mean, I would have been okay with like him humping like Crowley's leg, that would have been good. He can, yeah, I mean, Jensen Ackles can hump a lot of people and I'd be okay with watching it. But so Jensen Ackles humping is not the name of any of my sex tapes, unfortunately.
Jerk (:No?
Bitch (:But it was I just think that it was so well written. It was really funny even and snake guy was gross, but it was kind of you know, it was a good easy villain, right? We didn't have to get a lot of his back and he had cancer and we didn't have sympathy for him. We're just kind of like just die with your cancer because you ate a cat.
Jerk (:Bitch (01:07:56.408)
Donny Katz, my public service motto.
Jerk (:Don't eat cats. That's it. Aw. I know someone that has their email signature is the picture and there's his elf and it me laugh. Anyways.
Bitch (:Don't eat cats unless you're elf.
Bitch (:Alright, I
Bitch (:All right, I think on that note, don't eat cats and we're going to sign off. Cheers, jerk.
Jerk (:See you all soon. Cheers, bitch.
